Enjoy!

“I just got fired.”

“That’s pretty gay.”

A Barista at Starbucks recently told me something similar was gay while he was making a drink, and I’ve pretty much written him off my list of people I care about – I give him the cold shoulder now.  Now, if the Barista was saying “Rufus Wainwright is pretty gay” (he is of course) in a positive sense, then I could see it.  But the kind of negative connotation implied by his usage basically says “being gay is a negative.”

Harsh? Maybe. But to me using the “Gay” negatively is like using the “N” word.  It’s unacceptable, always.

Over the last two decades I’ve watched Star Trek blossom into such amazing acheivements as The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine, fade into Voyager and decay further into an ill conceived idea called “Enterprise.”  With “Star Trek: Nemesis” I was almost certain that it was all over for Star Trek – it seemed that all the creative juice had been sapped and the stories had become zombies of previous creative effort.

The folks at Paramount smelled death on a precious franchise. With only two options available, retire it forever or do a Galactica style reboot, the studio chose the easier option (after all, the last time Star Trek got cancelled a massive letter drive from die-hard fans resurrected the original series for a third and final season.

Because of the unique nature of Star Trek as a franchise it’s not really fair to give it only one review: the film is going to be something different to the action film loving movie-goer, which I consider myself,  than its’ going to be to the core of Star Trek fans, of which I’m also a member.  Thus I present you with my two reviews for Star Trek (2009):

WARNING: Contains Spoilers.

Star Trek (Everyone Besides Fans)

Rotten Tomatoes gives Star Trek 96%. That’s a fantastic rating, and it’s deserved.  Star Trek is everything you might want Summer Blockbuster to be: exciting, quick moving, interesting with good acting and a good story. If you want a fun movie to see this summer, this is it.  Star Trek has something for everybody, and the acting is excellent.

The techno-babble is at a minimum this time around, and plot devices are merely that: plot devices. No need to explain that the time distortion is a quantum fillament tear transiting subspace, etc. Probably the best Star Trek film for the masses ever made.  Seriously.

Star Trek (Fans)

Something feels wrong. It starts when the young James T. Kirk is driving in his car and you hear a very anachronistic sound: a Nokia phone ring.  The one that goes “do do do do do do do do do do do do doooooo.”   Kirk looks down at the digital display in the car, and sees a Nokia logo.  Later someone orders a Budweiser product at a bar.

The stickler would point out that after World War III (which happens in the Star Trek continuum) Nokia and Budweiser probably wouldn’t exist anymore, let alone currency of any kind (humans give it up in the future.) I don’t have a problem with a phone ring or a beer, I have a big problem with Nokia and Budweiser, and all the other horribly blatant advertisements starting out the movie. It put me in a bad frame of mind for the rest of the entire film. It does get better from there though.

The plot has a great number of issues in the form of plot holes, which I won’t go into. Simply put if you vested any feeling in what Star Trek was, you’re probably going to have some problems with this movie.

The Final Analysis

Star Trek 2009 isn’t old Star Trek, it’s new Star Trek. It’s a good movie, but it’s different. If you’re willing to let the past be the past you’ll like this movie even if you’re a Star Trek fan, everyone else should probable just like it from the start.  The “look” is also garish and jarring at times. I couldn’t count the number of Lens Flares, and the bridge of the Enterprise looks like an Apple Store, and the equipment like iTech.

In the final analysis however, it was either this or a tombstone.  Star Trek needs some fresh blood, and this is it.  I couldn’t help thinking that this isn’t the kind of Star Trek that Gene Roddenberry would like.  “But Super Awesome Blog Guy, Majel Barret Roddenberry liked it! She even did the computer voice!”

She also liked “Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda.” Shudder.

Also, the new Kirk (Chris Pine) is really hot, and you get to see him in his underwear. How could I complain that much? Go see Star Trek and enjoy the movie, and let’s hope the movies only get better from here!

Now I have to wait until the Boy Scouts come to the store, so I can inform them that I don’t buy their cookies.  I never press the point, but if they ask why I’m always happy to answer: The Boy Scouts discriminate against women, non-Christians, and homosexuals. All with government support, no less.

It might sound cruel to say words like that to an innocent Boy Scout who’s just trying to get enough money to go camping… but can you imagine the look of a young scout being told he can’t continue in the program anymore because he wants to love someone (who happens to be another man?)  Honesty’s the best policy… at least that’s what my Scout Master said.

Valentines Day is an exception.  Christmas can be enjoyed by everybody, while many people see Valentines as a “Single Persons Awareness Day.”  It’s also a “Heterosexuals Only” day.  My boyfriend and I have eschewed it for the last 3 years with no harm done (and some extra cash in our pockets.)

At times I feel sorry for my heterosexual male brethren, forced to get their wives/girlfriends/whatevers red and pink fuzzy crap, jewelry, and chocolate.  What’s worse, if they don’t provide these bribes their significant whatevers are pretty much expected to deny them conversation and generally sex.

I can’t think of a less egalitarian celebration of two people’s love.  I can only imagine the stress and anxiety many a straight guy feel.  The heteronormative happy couples advertised everywhere make me feel marginalized and probably makes single people everywhere feel like shit.  The holiday also introduces an unfair expectation on straight men to shower their loved ones in stupid gifts that say “I Love You” better than they can themselves.

I find Valentines Day offensive, and I feel liberated and happier every year when I skip this ugly, ugly “holiday”.  Maybe you should give it a try?

A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships. -New York Times

One of the general assumptions about gay relationships, and by extension marriages, is that they are prone to frequent self destruct, yet many studies seem to indicate the opposite. I wonder if this is at least in part due to the ease with which straight people to get married and how much work it is for gay people to do the same – if straight people
really had to fight for their right to get married, maybe the same crucible would result in stronger marriages for them too.